Pat-A-Cake

Today I sent Peyton to school without giving him his medication for ADHD. I was experimenting LOL!! Needless to say it didn't go as I had envisioned. = ) Hitting kids and totally out of control. Yesterday he got upset because he dropped his straw on the floor in the cafeteria, so he beat his head on the table and has a nice knot on it.

I know that from the outside looking in it would seem as though he is just a brat and you are wondering why I don't spank him or discipline him more. But I do! it makes it worse!
He is the most precious little boy and He is so brilliant! One minute he makes me just wanna scream and pull my hair out and then like today, he can melt my heart...

I am not convinced that there is not something else besides bipolar. Gut feeling...

Do you know what it feels like to not wanna go out to eat or to a ball game or the mall or Wal Mart with your own kid because you have no clue how he is going to act or what is going to send him into a tail spin?? ANd people just stare at you when he does have a melt down?? I wish i knew what to do. What I do know is that I love this little boy and I am not givng up on him.

This makes me cry while I type this, but today after just wanting to pull my hair out outta frustration with him he starts singin Pat-A- Cake. I know to most that seems like nothing, But what you don't know is that I tried endlessly to get him to sing that with me and do they hand gestures with me when he was a baby and never ever could get him to do it. Today was the first time I have ever heard him sing it... at 4 years old. He didn't even start singing any song until he was 3 1/2. I just bawled!!

After hearing that sweet little voice sing that song it made everything else seem small.

Good Night,

Hoping for a sunny day tomorrow with a 0% chance of storms...